Thinking about friends tonight. Those who went their separate ways, made a choice, walked out or were walked out on. Those lost to distance, to time, and to death. Wondering where they are, and if they're happier there. I hope so.

You never really think about not being friends with somebody. You become friends and then life continues, friend in tow. They are now yours for the duration of the journey, and vice versa. There's no etiquette for losing a friend. There is no protocol or warning, and there is definitely NOT a Hallmark card for this.

•         The person who was your best friend through elementary school becomes a complete stranger before high school graduation.
•         You clean out a closet and find four rolls of film and a shoebox of letters to remind you how heartbroken you were over your first love.
•         Your hands ache to pick up the phone and call the friend you had to step back from; not all friends are good for each other, but you still worry.
•         Facebook suggests a friend to you, and it's the person who turned their back on you because you weren't good enough.
• ·       A song on the radio reminds you of a friend no longer with us and your heart sinks a little lower in your chest.

These people- the lost friends, the faded ones, and the hated- don't just materialize, float around for a while, and then vanish. They become embedded in our memories, and the most random thing can trigger those memories to blindside us. A whiff of cologne, a song on the radio, a book cover, a line from a movie, dropping your keys, a slightly bent spork from Taco Bell. You can experience these things 99 times without batting an eye, but that hundredth time knocks you flat on your ass. A name drops from the sky and slots itself perfectly into your brain like a piece to a jigsaw puzzle, obliterating whatever mundane thought was there a moment ago. This could be more elegantly stated by author John Green, "You can't just make me different, and then leave," (Looking for Alaska).

There are people that left without warning or good-bye, leaving behind hurt and questions. There are people you walked away from that you constantly second guess. There are people you've drifted and faded away from that you don't even remember yet. But you will.

Some nights it's hard to keep from the melancholy silence of your memory.