The first wave of holiday travelers is happy. They get out on the road before 8AM. Eager to go home, they have already packed and showered; they are sipping fresh coffee or a chi-something from the local overpriced coffee chain. These folks have probably been listening to Christmas music since October. They're prepared for a long drive, and they intend to be pleasant about it. They will let in other cars, happily merge right to let you pass, and don't worry about the semi-trucks. These are the drivers that don’t mind cruising at a leisurely 65 miles per hour the entire way home. Known as “the turtles of the highway” they are the cheerful little buggers that make all the other drivers on the road crazy.
By Noon we have the Late-Starters. This group aimed to be on the road in the First Wave, but got delayed. Less pleasant than their morning predecessors, these travelers are harried and potentially cranky, but generally in good spirits. They probably snagged a quick coffee from the gas station before hitting the freeway. There’s less chance of Christmas music, probably the popular rock station on the radio, or whatever pops up on their iPod. This wave will tend to drive a bit faster, but will still show a general regard for posted speed limits.
At 3PM we begin to see the “Relaxed Drivers.” Don’t let the name fool you. These are the individuals who decided to relax all morning, sleep in, watch TV, and eventually get on the road. “No rush” they said, but by 5:30 they're cursing at the slower car ahead of them. These are the guys gunning ramps, running lights, and attempting to pass semi-trucks at a swift 85mph. They’re sick of traffic, and they’re only halfway home. In their “no rush” phase, this wave is likely to stop for a pre-freeway meal. They are easily identified by the discarded fast food wrappers and crushed cans from energy drinks on their dashboards and seats. This crowd is also noted for neglecting to see posted speed limit signs because they were distractedly jabbing at their radio/iPod, dissatisfied with any and every song that pops up.
Let’s not forget the last wave of holiday travelers. Oh, the last wave- the “Tsunami of Holiday Travel”- the evening crowd. This wave is mostly comprised of soccer moms and hung-over college kids racing home as fast as they can. These guys show no mercy. They're darting and weaving through traffic, cutting off semi-trucks at over 90mph- these people are a force to be reckoned with. If you're going under 85mph, you're getting run off the road. They curse, they block exits, and they're probably the reason so many people hate to travel on the holidays. There’s no time for coffee with these folks- they’re running on pure adrenaline and road rage.
So whether you are a peppy First Waver, or a lightning-fast Tsunami Driver, remember to stay safe out there! Wear your seat belts, and watch out for turtles and tsunamis!
